You know all the fine print “Terms and Conditions” that you’re supposed to read before you click the “purchase” button? It turns out that they often include things like “you may not travel on this cruise ship if you are 27 or more weeks pregnant.” My wife, fine-print-reader that she is, luckily noticed this before I managed to click the purchase button. After a little bit of searching, it seems that ALL the cruise lines have a similar restriction, even if one is only cruising for three nights and traveling no further than 100 nautical miles from one’s home and OBGYN. Disney, an allegedly child-oriented enterprise, is the most restrictive in this regard.

Crestfallen, we traded our cruise ship for a gondola and our blue sea for a water-filled stage by booking three nights at Venetian and two tickets to O, the Cirque du Soleil show at Bellagio. We’re off to Las Vegas, nearly child-free. We’ll show #2 that we will not be denied our vacation, fine print or no fine print.

Props to Grandma D. for watching Anna for the three days.

This morning I went in for an MRI of my left knee. Over the last few weeks, I’ve had a pain in my knee when I bend it a certain way, but I can still play volleyball and bike without any problems. It’s been getting worse to the point that I can hardly kneel down at all, but I have no problem jumping up and down for hours at a time playing volleyball. I’ll be scheduling an appointment soon to discuss the results with my doctor.

Another busy day today, though everyone was pretty agreeable due to some absolutely indulgent parenting. I figure Mom is set for about two weeks of hearing Anna say how Daddy lets her eat/watch/throw/play with/draw on whatever she wants to. I mean two more weeks.

This morning we rolled out of bed, and quickly were dressed and ready to go to the Pancake House. Our waitress was absolutely charmed by our little father-daughter outing; to boot, Anna was pouring on the cuteness as the waitress brought us our beverages. As I ordered for us, Anna interrupted to say, “Excuse me, I need to tell her something.” I instructed her to go ahead. “Thank you for bringing my orange juice!” she said with glee. The waitress and I each marveled for a moment, then the waitress recovered to say, “You’re welcome! What wonderful manners for a young lady!” Anna beamed briefly as the waitress moved on, then stuck her hand down the front of her pull-up and begin digging around as if looking for spare change. “Not good manners, Anna,” I explained, returning both hands to plain view.

Over the next half-hour, Anna neatly and politely consumed her glass of orange juice, her bowl of corn flakes, half my eggs, and a pancake. I can’t remember having seen a more civil display of public behavior from my young daughter. At the end of the meal, the waitress asked, “where did you learn such good manners?” Anna was silent. “From Mommy and Daddy?” the waitress suggested. Finally Anna said, “Mom… er, Daddy! From Daddy!” Oh, somebody was so getting a cookie when we got home. As the waitress left, Anna piped, “From S.! From S.!”¹

When we got home, Anna was nearing the frosted-flakes- and maple-syrup-induced-coma stage, so she sat quietly in the family room listening to music, while I hung the toddler swing on the newly erected swingset frame. It took a fairly long time, but I finished in time to push her on the swing for a full hour before lunch. Sometimes with Bear, sometimes without Bear, sometimes while drinking milk, sometimes with Bear and milk. After eating lunch (in the fort), and swinging for a few more minutes, she had an hour and twenty minute nap. The plan was to go the Zoo after nap, but she was distracted by another ninety minutes in the swing. Before it was too late, we jetted down to the Zoo in time to see the snakes, the petting zoo, and for some reason, the bugs. She really liked the enormous stick bugs; I practically had to pry her away. There was a tense moment at the petting zoo, when she was observing the miniature horses, and inquired about a certain area of the animal’s anatomy. When, with hushed voice, I honestly told her what it was, I was actually relieved that she didn’t believe me. “No it’s not! That’s her poo!”

We stopped on the way home for a six-piece McNuggets, and still had time for dinner in the fort and another forty-five minutes of swinging before starting up for bed. After getting dressed for bed and brushing teeth, we had a short “magazine read,” where we independently browsed periodicals for five minutes, then a “book read,” where we chose books and did the same, then finally a Curious George story, daily review, Happy Fings, and, finally, blissful quiet.

¹ S. is one of the four-year-old twins from day care, who is the source of virtually all appalling behavior.

Here’s an idea for a new reality competition show. A child is placed in a swing set. A contestant must first swing set the child in motion, then scurry off to complete some sort of task before the child asks to be swung again. Example tasks:

• Low degree of difficulty: join two boards with four wood screws and a drill.
• Medium degree of difficulty: use a jigsaw to cut a four-inch block out of a two-by-six plank of redwood.
• Maximum degree of difficulty: run to the other side of the house, open garage door, cut an eight-foot plank into three 16-inch pieces and one 48-inch piece, close garage door, and return to back of house. Bonus points for remembering to bring the three short pieces with you.

Veteran players will use certain tricks to extend their allotted time, such as by swinging the child at or even beyond horizontal position. Another tactic is to distract the child by hitting the player’s finger with a hammer and yelling loudly, or, say, hitting the same damn finger with a hammer again. “Look, an alligator!” also works.

All contestants will receive:

• sunburn
• splinters
• an aching back and shoulders
• an honest, unsolicited thank-you, which makes it all worthwhile

Hopefully I can make this short, because I’m really really tired, and I’m going to spend most of my few precious spare moments reading Radical Acceptance again.

With Jen out of town, Anna and I were on our own again. Today, we

1. Got up and had breakfast. Anna had awakened at 5:45am, and though I sent her back to bed, I don’t think she actually slept.
2. Cleaned the kitchen. One day I aspire to fit all the dishes in a single load. Generally, so many have stacked up, that they require more than one run of the dishwasher.
3. Hustled off to gymnastics class. Anna did well, but avoided the male teacher. Anna’s friend K. is in the class, so I enjoyed talking with her mom, M.
4. Went directly from gymnastics to Oggi’s to watch some of the Michigan-San Diego state game, which we barely won. Not looking good for the Big Ten opener next week.
5. Came home and cleaned kitchen some more, plus did laundry.
6. Attempted to get Anna to nap, unsuccessfully. Tomorrow I have to try to put her down earlier.
7. Took Anna’s monthly picture. It came out quite nicely; I’m starting to get the hang of shooting portraits with just the single strobe.
8. Took Anna out in the backyard, while I worked on her swingset some more. I reinforced the floor of the fort, to the point that I feel comfortable jumping up and down on it. Also, I raised the a-frame and top beam for the swingset. Now I just need to get a long enough drill bit so that I can install the swing mounts. Anna and I will probably be making a trip to Home Depot tomorrow. Also, I figured out how I’m going to do the benches of the under-fort table.
9. Fixed dinner (steak for me, macaroni for her), which Anna and I ate while sitting in the fort. After dinner, Anna climbed up the slide, then reached for my hand, missed it, and slid down the slide backwards. She thought this was quite funny and repeated it approximately 800 times.
10. Put Anna in the bath; she managed to get pretty much filthy today, and I really don’t know how, because I gave her a bath last night as well.
11. Put Anna to bed. She cooperated amazingly well, and I think she’s really looking forward to tomorrow, between the fort/swings and a possible visit to Kidsville.
12. Cleaned kitchen, had snack, took shower.

Now I have a couple minutes for me. A little reading, and hopefully a lot of rest.

I’m sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to have my knee looked at. I think it’s been something like half an hour. This must be the polar opposite of urgent care.

There, the doctor came in and it took her all of five minutes to order up an X-ray and an MRI.

After our little adventure on Friday, we had a typically busy weekend. Saturday, Jennifer and Anna went to gymnastics class while I worked on the swingset. Saturday night, C. came over to babysit. We went out to the Beach House in Solana Beach. It used to be one of our favorite places, and it was really nice to go out there again. Afterward, we drove around a lot trying to think of a something else to do, and we ended up walking around UTC for a while before returning home. Sunday, I worked on the swingset some more, getting it stained, while Jen and Anna went to Kidsville for a playgroup outing. I joined up with the pack for dinner, and it made for quite the nice evening. Today, I feel sore pretty much all over from all the work on the swingset. Now all I have to do is sand & assemble the overhead beam, build the picnic table, stain all the new pieces, and hang the swings. Whew.

Today was a full system test of Murphy’s Law. Yup, it works.

The theory:

1. Wake up, get ready, and hustle out of the house.
2. Drop off Anna at preschool.
3. Drop off my car at the dealership for the 30,000 mile checkup.
4. Have Jen drop me off at work.
5. Jen goes to doctor appointment at 9am, then out to run various errands.
6. Jen later picks up Anna, then me, then the car.

The reality:

1. Wake up, get ready, and hustle out of the house.
2. Drop off Anna at preschool.
3. Drop off my car at the dealership for the 30,000 mile checkup.
4. Have Jen drop me off at work.
5. Jen goes to doctor appointment at 9am, then out to run various errands.
6. Jen’s truck, which had been making funny whirring sounds, stops making whirring sounds¹.
7. Absence of whirring sounds leads to absence of battery charging.
8. Absence of battery charging leads to battery fault light on dashboard.
9. Battery fault light on dashboard leads to grave concern.
10. I bum a ride home from our friend S. A.
11. Jen bums a ride to car dealership from our friend J. Y.
12. I ride my bike over to preschool to pick up Anna.

Our little automotive crisis had us worried for a while, but it actually was solved with a some phone calls,
some luck, and some helpful friends. What could have been a real problem instead reminds us how lucky we are.

¹ We suspect the whirring-to-electricity converter (aka. alternator) in Jennifer’s car is failed.

Anna started preschool today. It sounds as though everything went well. Mom dropped her off and stayed for “circle time”, and then I picked her up at the end of the day. Her teachers, Mrs. D. and Mrs. G., both said she had a very good day and adapted well. She had a nap and lunch, and came home with a load of stuff for us to read.

Last night, she was up for a couple hours, apparently stressed about the prospect of starting school. After I picked her up today, she seemed a little more needy than usual, so the change is clearly having an effect on her. She’s just not comfortable with the unknown. Hopefully tonight will be better now that she knows what to expect, but she’s only been down for 20 minutes, and has gotten up three times to use the potty. At least she isn’t asking for help to do it.

Today I picked up Anna from her final day at day care. M. was very sad to see her go; she has been going there for almost her entire life. Anna said she would miss M., but I don’t think it has really registered with her that she won’t be going there anymore. Tomorrow is the first day at preschool. Jennifer will take her there and stay for a little bit of “circle time” to see that she gets a good start to things. I’ll be picking her up. There are a few changes from day care to preschool: she needs to eat breakfast at home, and we have to pack her a lunch. I don’t suspect it will change much around here, but I have heard that the increased amount of outdoor play time makes much more tired at the end of the day in preschool than they were in day care. We’ll see…