Here’s an idea for a new reality competition show. A child is placed in a swing set. A contestant must first swing set the child in motion, then scurry off to complete some sort of task before the child asks to be swung again. Example tasks:

• Low degree of difficulty: join two boards with four wood screws and a drill.
• Medium degree of difficulty: use a jigsaw to cut a four-inch block out of a two-by-six plank of redwood.
• Maximum degree of difficulty: run to the other side of the house, open garage door, cut an eight-foot plank into three 16-inch pieces and one 48-inch piece, close garage door, and return to back of house. Bonus points for remembering to bring the three short pieces with you.

Veteran players will use certain tricks to extend their allotted time, such as by swinging the child at or even beyond horizontal position. Another tactic is to distract the child by hitting the player’s finger with a hammer and yelling loudly, or, say, hitting the same damn finger with a hammer again. “Look, an alligator!” also works.

All contestants will receive:

• sunburn
• splinters
• an aching back and shoulders
• an honest, unsolicited thank-you, which makes it all worthwhile