As of Tuesday, I’m back on the low-carb bandwagon. From 2002-2003 I lost over 50 lbs. on the Atkins diet. Starting in 2004, I started sliding back into carb addiction. Really it was the New Year’s cruise that we went on that started things. I think that the cruise director will personally throw you overboard if it is revealed you are on any sort of diet. When Jennifer became pregnant, I really started to pack on the carbs. I’ve gained back 15 lbs of what I lost, so it’s time to go cold turkey.

When I did Atkins the first time (before it was cool) there were very few low-carb foods out there to eat. This was a good thing from a dieting standpoint. Now, I’m surrounded by all sorts of temptations, which, because of their convenience and relative deliciousness, are just as bad as the carbs. Those of you not familiar with the Atkins diet may not be aware that there are four distinct phases:

1. The oh-my-god-I-can-eat-bacon-with-every-meal phase. This is the hook, when you will gladly trade off breads and sugars for taking your relationship with the butcher to the next level. This phase eventually gives way to
2. The I’m-getting-really-sick-of-eating-eggs-for-breakfast phase. Eggs and bacon really are the only traditional breakfast foods that are legal. Try eating that for three weeks in a row. Eventually I started skipping breakfast. Before the advent of the low-carb food craze, there was little portable food as well. Beef jerky and pork rinds are the only things I can think of. Now, there are a number of low-carb bars, and some of them don’t taste awful, but that just makes you want to eat more of them. Skipping meals because of the monotony leads to
3. The I’m-just-plain-sick-of-eating phase. Now the real weight loss begins. The low-carb diet keeps you from getting hungry, and when you suck all the joy out of eating, there’s really no reason left to do it. The weight loss eventually results in the
4. The I’ll-keep-eating-this-way-as-long-as-I’m-skinny phase. If, like me, you lost enough weight to have a profound effect (incessant compliments, eliminating back pain, increased energy, blogging material, etc.) then you would resign yourself to a life of eating old shoes if it meant staying thin. That is, as long as you stay away from cruise ships.

It’s only been two days, but I’m already starting to tire of breakfast, but at least I know it can be done, and I’m starting from a lower weight than before. My goal is to lose 34 pounds, which would put me at 100 lbs. down from the day I got married. This was originally my goal when I did Atkins in 2002, but I never quite made it. Here’s to finishing things out.